Phyllis Maria Cologera

I've had many Calls... Emails... Voicemails... Texts...

The Cards are still arriving.

All are much-appreciated. 

All ask the same question...

"How are you holding up?"

There's only one answer for me.

"Moment to Moment."

In one instance, I'll be totally fine. I'll even be laughing and joking. 

And then it'll hit me. Hard.

I miss my Mom. 

I don't think I'm ever going to get used to the fact that I can't pick up the Phone and call her.

I can't hop in the Car and take a drive to see her.

She won't be coming to visit the House like we had planned.

It'd been a while and we talked about it on Mother's Day when we all visited her.

God, I'm so glad we all went.

Usually it was just Dan & I visiting her. The Kids rarely want to take a drive anywhere. They always wanted to see her of course, but they hate being in the Car for a long time. And, we're Rhode Islanders, so let's face it... Anything over 15 minutes is a long drive--especially to Kids.

But on Mother's Day, they did come along.

And they loved seeing her. 

And she loved seeing them.

She loved. Period. 

I've been trying my best to go about my days, be it here at Home or at Work.. But God, this is so tough.

I've had a pain in my Chest since that night that Advil won't touch.

I've had a lump in my Throat since that night.

I've had so much that I want to say to her. Just little things I know that only she would appreciate--like a silly joke, or something crazy I read online. Or a sweet real-life story. Those were her favorite kind.

I can't call her.

I can't go to see her.

She's not there.

This morning at Work, I watched a Rainbow form. And then right before my eyes, it turned into a Double Rainbow. I hope that was from her.